Domestic Violence – The Blame Game

By now, everyone has seen the Ray Rice ‘elevator video’.  If you haven’t, click here. I warn you, it is quite disturbing. Of course, as I caught wind of the video early this morning, I had a couple of initial reactions – Sickened, disgusted, and pretty much all the same feelings that almost everyone had once the video was viewed.  My thoughts? Wow, he just stood there after he hit her with such force – no remorse. NONE.  I studied Twitter for awhile to read the reactions of others and to check out what others had to say. I ran across the following tweets and honestly, they bothered me quite a bit. She married him after that? Women shouldn’t put their hands on men and not expect the same in return.  If it happens again, oh well – she knew what she was getting into.  But here is the one that got to me – Why didn’t she leave him?  I pondered on that one for awhile and I am not sure as to why.  After all, in domestic violence incidences, whether it involves celebrities or perhaps someone we know personally – the question we continue to repeatedly ask is ” Why didn’t/doesn’t she just leave him”? Well, I am pretty much fed up with that question or better yet the assumption and audacity of us to assume that it’s the woman’s place to leave the man.  How about this people – how about if a man knows that he is with a woman that can escalate him to a point of violence or with a woman that puts her hands on him that in return will possibly force him to put his hands on her – WHY DOESN’T HE WALK AWAY? WHY DOESN’T HE LEAVE HER BEFORE ANY VIOLENCE OCCURS? I wasn’t there so I do not know every detail but if Rice was upset (which is obvious), he did not have to get in that elevator with her.  He didn’t have to marry her.  He could have come to the conclusion that – hey, this relationship is not healthy for me, for her, for the both of us. What I did was wrong and she shouldn’t marry someone like me. But of course, we have become programmed to believe that although a man should not hit a woman – the responsibility still lies on the HER because SHE did not walk away.

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